"To you, who is so worthy,

I've put a lot of pressure on myself to be less inward-dwelling, louder, brighter, 'sunnier' and generally more of everything the unreliable narrator within dictates I am not. Through being sat down and handcuffed have to myself - no fark pubs or clubs in which to hide from my own truth - my awareness has been lead reluctantly back to my chronically anemic level of delight in who I truly am.

There is a common parlance which tells me that we cannot know another until we know ourselves, that we can't love or be loved until we love ourselves as though these sentiments were the peaks of a mountain range where, once crested, one stays forever at the summit. I want to reassure anyone reading this that toxic positivity is simply another set of standards to hold ourselves to and counterproductive to unlearning societal pressures. 

We experience and come to know different aspects of ourselves through the mirrors that those we let in hold up - how we feel about ourselves does not make us unlovable ot incapable of loving; with insight and self awareness it is possible to cultivate fulfilling relationships alongside mental health struggles or simply not feeling on the forefront of the self love movement. On the nights when my body is wracked with inexplicable sobbing or the days I can't form sentences, yet still feel my boyfriend's arms around me or wake to coffee made just how I like, I know this to be true. 

Despite the complicated relationship I have with myself, my heart holds a deep love for so much and so many. There are long days when I feel my life to be utterly worthless but that does not mean I am in any way worth less.

We alone are able to do the work required to unearth and heal our pain, but others can dig beside us and provide support - especially now, during a time as hopeless for so many people as thing, permitting ourselves to feel and give love in all its forms is essential.

You are loved."