Published by Open Love Letters


"To all the night outs I've been on, Well, isn't it funny. I spent nearly every weekend (bar one or two) going out. Dancing on sticky backroom floors of Sheffield's lead mill club. Making new friends in toilets and smoking areas. Getting lost in the music I love to fill the voids, the empty melancholia that would otherwise consume me; that frightening loneliness that always propelled me to say yes to another night out, just to be in the company of people I love, rather than my own. 

Now, out of my hands, I am alone. Covid-19 has taken away the chance for me to say yes to another night out. The freedom that I never actually took for granted, has gone for a while. I'm alone, self-isolating (by myself) at my university flat in the city centre. And yes, at first it made me cry a lot. Why? Because I miss people. Not just the friends I saw every week, but the acquaintances. You weren't friends, but you saw them a lot. You wonder how they're doing, even if you wouldn't normally. I miss my gran. I wonder how she's really coping all alone. FaceTime doesn't quite capture the essence of a grandma huge, of her Persian cooking.

I'd always been meaning to have a 'weekend in'. Now they're abundant. I finally watched 'Heaven Can Wait' and I cried. It's been on my list for half a decade. I'm happy time's slowed down a bit.

I made it through the storm once, and the storm came back, it comes back in many forms, and we'll all get though that too.

We always do."