Published by Open Love Letters


"Dear you, 

I dreamt of you last night. I woke up and tried to go back, escape lockdown for a little while longer, roaming the streets with you on a rainy evening in Soho whilst headlights make the street glimmer - the time of day you like the most but would never admit is romantic. But instead I ended up in a dream where I chased grasshoppers in my room, 100 little green, unpredictable insects. I cursed whilst doing so. Not because I was afraid of them but because you taught me that it sometimes makes things a lot easier. And it did. For almost an hour it really did. I woke up and tried to curse again - you weren't here, it didn't help. Cursed again, hoping I would hate myself a little less for thinking of you too much. 

I hate that I cry about the bar closing down which we used to say we'd go to, I hate the world becoming more distant. I hate that you become more distant with it and the picture I paint of you more vivid. I hate that it fills my days. But most of all that cursing doesn't make it easier right now.