Published by Open Love Letters


"Dear whomever it may concern, 

I moisturised my whole body today, it took me 10 minutes. Almond Milk from The Body Shop, I smelt divine lying on my bed counting all the cracks in the ceiling. I thought, wow, I feel soft, I wonder if I should do this everyday? How soft would my skin be, like butter maybe. I spend all of my time recently getting lost in my thoughts, trying to reinvent myself, having a clear out - who can I be after this? Someone different for sure. I don't know how we can be the same after this, the loss, the wake up call that intensifies each day, within our four walls. Lockdown... a term I would probably have associated with wrestling a couple of weeks ago, or a dance move after a bottle of wine. It's so much more than that now, sadly.

I keep telling myself, 'pull yourself together, think positive' and yet as the sun rises & the clouds roll in, I'm on my 5th cup of tea wishing for normality, so much. I miss my friends so much, my mum, I hope she's safe. Apps I've never heard of flood my newsfeeds, TikTok, Houseparty, virtual connections to a reality I take for granted. 

This time alone has taught me to really love the things that make you inspired. I think I had completely lost my way, working a mundane job, losing sight of who I am basically. The past week I have created a film blog, caught up with old friends and family and managed to curb my anxiety by not drinking as much. I'm also reading more, and really enjoying getting lost in fictional worlds. I've even thought about writing a screenplay and daydreaming about attending Sundance or Cannes one day when I'm older and have my shit together.

Not long ow, and this will all be over and although the pain is real, the grief is real , we are together more than we have ever been before. It's not often you can walk past someone in the street and think 'I know what you're going through, I'm struggling too.'

See you all on the other side. x"